


The qualms of the First War

by Hiss_hiss_bish



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, First War with Voldemort, Hurt/Comfort, Late Night Conversations, Light Angst, Melancholy, Multi, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-05
Updated: 2020-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:28:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23017027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hiss_hiss_bish/pseuds/Hiss_hiss_bish
Summary: The war is raging outside the walls of Hogwarts. The protected students are in no better shape than those out there, fighting.James and Lily are out on their usual patrol as Head Boy and Head Girl, but James seemed overly subdued. Lily hopes she can hold a civil conversation with him today, at least.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	The qualms of the First War

**Author's Note:**

> It's before Lily and James begin dating, when they were just friends as Head Boy and Head Girl

That day at Hogwarts had been particularly quiet, punctuated with distinct rustling and snatching of letters and newspapers at random times of the day, often the ripping of paper startling the owls, but even the birds seemed to notice the mood.

The nights though, they were just dull, they always were. They gave everyone too much time to think over everything. At night, the whole of the school seemed to release their sorrow, within their own four-posters or in others' dormitories, or even in different common rooms itself. It had become frequent, but not even McGonagall had the heart to scold them for it.

Some of them, like her healer friends, struggled to pick up their wands, knowing they were expected to use them to harm in the upcoming war. Nighttime, when they placed them back down, she could almost hear them wishing they'd never have to pick them up.

She did her daily patrols with that annoying brat, but he seemed much more....genuine now. He'd calm down younger students saying it was all going to be alright, that the older kids would take care of the war and their parents would all be safe. Over these past few months, she's caught herself wishing she had _**something**_ with him, but that felt too selfish, too joyous, much too much for herself in the midst of this collective misery.

These strolls were a relief, despite the somber air around the castle. They'd walk along, occasionally making small talk, never particularly able to spot a troublemaker since the Marauders had long since lost the ability to provoke joy in themselves beyond a sad, distant smile.

"How was your day?" Lily asked, as they walked down the corridor from the Gryffindor common room.

"About as good as the chances of you dating me"

She almost smiled at that.

"You have to make everything about that, don't you?"

"Well, Lily Evans, if I haven't made it clear enough, I plan on marrying you", he tried for a grin.

"If we live long enough to get married," she muttered morosely under her breath.

"Dark humour", James said with a grin as an unfathomable shadow passed over his face, "another reason we should get married"

"Oh yeah, James Potter can crack dark jokes?"

"I learnt it from my husband, Padfoot, who, by the way, learned from his maniacal family that almost killed him in the act of kicking him out"

Lily's smile vanished, she turned around to look at him. He looked just as stunned, like even he wasn't sure if that was to be a joke. Lily had known about Sirius' banishment, but yet, hearing it from James' mouth was just too frightening.

He pushed up his glasses and rubbed his eyes with his palms. 

"That is the sort of joke that even Padfoot isn't allowed to crack" he said through gritted teeth.

Lily wasn't sure what to say, but she was sure Sirius would've laughed it off.

"Let's pretend you're stupid, dumb Padfoot who has just cracked this joke, and I'm stupider, freakishly annoying but caring Potter who's berating his brother"

James slowly lowered his arms with a mock shocked expression, "Did you just compliment me, Evans?"

"You're unbearable, you know that, right?"

He gave a deep bow, "As I have been often told"

"All that glitters is not gold" she muttered automatically.

"What?" he said, puzzled "Did you just recite the quote on the Golden Casket?"

Her eyes widened, "You read Shakespeare?"

He blinked in surprise. "I've taken Muggle Studies", he said, as if it were the most obvious thing ever.

After that, they immersed in some level of intellectual talk about the themes and character roles in Shakespearan works. Lily was surprised to know James actually did pay attention to things other than pranks.

They had now reached the dungeons, neither of the Gryffindors hated the place as many people believed, it was just the one person inside.

When they were near the potions classroom, James trailed off mid-sentence while rambling about how he would have handled the situation with Shylock if he were Antonio.

Lily didn't day anything. She just watched him, and realised in the dim green light of the the dungeon why girls were head over heels for this boy. His side profile was thinly illuminated by the green glow, white specks reflected in his square rimmed glasses. His jawline was one of the sharpest she'd seen, his short, but thick eyelashes cast shadows over his high cheekbones as he turned to look at her.

"Evans," he said in a voice, that was completely unlike James Potter, it was slight, uncertain and fragile, "What do you think is going to happen after we graduate?"

It was such an abrupt question, she couldn't respond for a second. 

"I-I'm not sure" she said, averting her eyes.

"We could die before that, of course"

She wanted to tell him to not say that, but the logical part, the braver part of her brain, knew he could be right.

"There's people I'm more worried about than myself, you know, Evans" 

"I know, Potter" she said, a little more defiantly "I want to protect all of them with my life too"

They stared into each others eyes for a while, and they knew they were talking about the same people - Sirius, Remus, Peter, Marlene, Dorcas, Alice, and Frank.

"You know why we stopped playing pranks, Evans?" He asked as he broke eye contact and walked towards the stairwell.

"Because the moods were far too sour for anyone to take it lightly?" She said.

James gave a bitter laugh "Our pranks put everbody in a lighter mood, admit it"

She couldn't disagree, she often found herself laughing along to their ridiculous shenanigans.

He lifted his head towards the ceiling "It was because Regulus went missing"

She stopped dead in her tracks "What?"

James turned around "I thought you wouldn't know" he smiled sadly, "Nobody ever noticed the scrawny kid"

Lily's heart plummeted, she hadn't known that a person from her own school had gone missing, a year below her? Her best friend's brother? How could she even call herself a Head Girl?

"Don't go too hard on yourself" he chided, "Sirius has been worrying on everbody's behalf already", his expression morphed into one of sorrow, "he barely eats, sleeps, or do anything anymore"

She took a heavy step ahead, her face pale, eyes wide as she stared at the boy who said it so casually with so much pain in his eyes.

And she wondered if James Potter was more that what she gave him credit for.

____

Their shift was about to end, and off a dare by James posed to her to prove she was a Gryffindor, they snuck out onto the grounds by the Black Lake against the rules. 

There, they sat against the tree by the Lake, watching the moonlit water ripple as the Giant Squid moved beneath the surface.

"I wish it'd just be calm like this" James said, eyes closed.

Lily picked a dried up flower and twisted it in her fingers, "But won't that be too silent for the Marauders?"

James gave her a strange look. She suddenly realised how odd it sounded, Potter asking for quiet and Lily asking for chaos. They burst out laughing. It felt like the most sincere laugh she'd had in a while.

Soon, they were rolling around on the grass, laughter increased tenfold. James laugh turned into something choked, and sad just as soon, and before they knew it, they were crying into each others shoulders, letting out all the sorrow and frustration and worry of the past few months.

"I'm scared, Lily" he sobbed into her shoulder

"Me too," she replied, muffled.

"I'm scared one of them will betray us"

"I know, James", she wasn't surprised, nobody trusted anybody anymore, but they should, distrust was what had led to the war, "But we can't fight among ourselves"

He nodded, he was still overwhelmed, whereas she'd at least stopped sobbing. She didn't push him away though, not when he needed his friend.

"James Fleamont Potter" she said, holding him by his shoulders and forcing him to look her in the eye "You may be annoying, but you are one of the most trusting, loyal friend I have ever met, and if you were to stop trusting the Marauders, I really don't know what the world would have to come to"

He gave a watery chuckle and lowered his head.

"And," she continued," no matter what happens, we're all fighting side by side, we've all got each other's backs, Potter, and don't you dare underestimate us girls"

"I would never" he looked up, horrified, "With the fiery deadhead whose ready to melt me to a puddle of hearts just with her words"

"Back to this, are we?" She sighed, though she was hiding a smile.

"Lily Evans," he said, a fire in his eyes " I promise to fight alongside you and have your back until the very end"

And she could see it in his face that he meant it.

____

Soon enough, they had returned to the Gryffindor tower. 

"Bellum" announced James, glumly, even the fat lady had to rub the fact that a war was looming.

The door opened and they crawled in. Lily and James collapsed on the couch and stared at the dying flames in the hearth. Lily looked at James again, for no particular reason than to see his face in the dim light. His forehead was creased. After a moment, he pointed his wand at the fire and called "Incendio".

The embers flared into huge flames "REDUCIO" Lily called, and they reduced to normal. She didn't ask what was wrong, she knew James never messed up charms, he'd done this on purpose, to test his capabilities. Wrong time, but then again, she had no idea how much time they had, so she had to take whatever chance she could.

She had always liked this habit of James and Sirius, they would do things whenever the thought occured to them. They lived in the moment. It had paid them off now though, she thinks with a dark smile, people like her who spent their years planning out their future might not even have one now

"--we might never see this place again, Evans" James' words cut through her thoughts. Although she hadn't heard completely, she knew what he was talking about. Hogwarts. How could her years here have ended so soon?

"Might as well enjoy it as it is before even wizards see it as Muggles do, a heap of ruined blocks of monument"

James laughed at that. He shouldn't have. They're thoughts were getting darker by the minute.

"It feels like that everytime you look at Sirius too though" he said, eyes glazed "in shambles"

"We'll put him back together" Lily said, with so much conviction James almost nodded "We'll tell him and that Lupin to stick together. They both constitute 50% of each other's impulse control"

James laughed again, and Lily stored away the sound, loud, boisterous, warm and hearty.

They both got up at once. 

"I should get to bed" They said in unison, although they both knew the other was to be up all night, comforting through others through nightmares

James gave Lily a soft smile and turned to go. In that moment, she wasn't sure what overtook her, but she leaped over the couch to get to him and turned him around. Pulling him down slightly by his collar. She said in a determined, steely tone.

"James, I don't know what's waiting for us on the other side, but we're going to find a way to live around it. We're going to join the Order of the Phoenix when we graduate and defeat the Dark Lord. Don't despair, we have people by our side, Voldemort simply has slaves"

She hadn't held him too tight, but when she released him, he stumbled back a little, his mouth slightly agape. Then, he nodded with he softer, yet steely expression, and walked up into his dormitory.

She stood there for some time, trying to decipher that expression on his face. After a while, Lily Evans came to a terrible realisation.

James Potter was most definitely in love with her, and maybe she was, just a little, too.

____

**Author's Note:**

> There was a reason Harry was stubborn as well as kind, you inherit SOME traits from your mother


End file.
